Monday, November 15, 2010

Proper Etiquette at a Dock Party

This comes direct from the keyboard of the near mythic Capt. Dave.  You might be inclined think the Capt. is a fiction, a mere nom de plume, adopted by your humble scribe to deflect the criticism that might attend the very worldly and uncut reports that are attributed to the email device of Capt Dave. Go ahead.  I don't mind.  This email dealt in part with Sailor's Socials and proper procedures.

Since I am too paranoid to write a blog for fear the Marxists will single me out after the takeover then I enjoy everyone elses blog and like to add meat to their writing just like my stews and chili's. You may want to do an article on such things as the "Pecking Order" at sailor socials, and advice as what to eat and what not to eat at these bring-a-plate gatherings.

A few examples:  Before you dive into a bowl of yellow goo that looks like vomit or an uncooked omelete, you might want to visit the boat it came from beforehand.Just because the contributer has a nice looking rig out there on the mooring and the 2nd in command is wearing the latest sailor girl marine fashions does not mean that shit isn't overflowing from their toilet into the bilge where they keep the butter and cheese...or the cat wasn't eating the top layer of goo. You are supposed to dunk your cracker into this stuff but how do you know what it is ?....look for cat hairs. You must remember that most people are immune to what they eat on their boat... but you are only immune to what comes off your own boat.

At these events there is usually to be found a Butterfly Betty...she flits and flirts. Her husband Boring Bob keeps a watchful eye on guys like me who keep a watchful eye on Betty's butt. Betty will consume one whole bottle of red Walmart plunk at each social and then the party is over. Until then Bob asks every single solo sailor what he brought to the bring-a plate.

Bob asked me last year. "What did you bring Dave ??" .....I told him that I brought the same thing he did.e.g.. NOTHING!. .... Husbands don't bring anything to socials because their wives do. This legally exempts single solo sailors because sadly we don't suffer the trauma of having bizarre hormones all over our boat.

Bringing a plate to a social is really a woman's competition between women and men should stay clear of woman things.  

I think with your amazing wit that you could write a very good article on this. My opinions are not copyrighted.

Dave, flattery always works on Capt Curmudgeon.  He is so deprived of it on his own boat.

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